You know what's even worse than paying tax on money you make? Try taking a loss on money you lose. Make $100, pay a 40% tax, and you've still got $60 left. But lose $100, take a tax loss, and you're still out your $100. Yeah, you can deduct it against future income. But it's kind of like those "mail-in" rebates you get when you walk out of Staples with a new printer. It sounds good when you're still in the store. But in the back of your mind, you realize you'll probably never actually mail it in.

It's no fun if you lose money in a bad investment. It's no fun if you get ripped off in some sort of fraud. It's even worse if you get ripped off in an investment fraud! And that brings us to this week's story, which starts out in the underwater city of Bikini Bottom.

SpongeBob SquarePants is a kids' cartoon chronicling the adventures of a sponge named Bob, who lives with his pet snail Gary in a pineapple on the ocean floor. (If you're a parent of a young child, you can just skip ahead to the next paragraph.) SpongeBob has become Nickleodeon's most popular series, squeezing up a boatload of awards, and spawning two movies. In 2011, mycologists working in Malaysia even discovered a new species of fungus in the Bolotaceae family which they named spongiforma squarpantsii.

With a franchise that successful, every huckster within 20,000 leagues wants a SpongeBob tie-in to promote their business. One of those hucksters was a company called SpongeTech. Don't let the "tech" fool you; these guys were in the decidedly low-tech business of selling soap-filled sponges, including a SpongeBob SquarePants model filled with baby soap. But their real business was soaking investors — and after all the hype was washed away, SpongeTech was just another penny-stock scam. Scratch that — as one reporter put it, "SpongeTech was no ordinary pump-and-dump penny-stock scheme; it was, to play on Churchill's famous definition of Russia, a fraud wrapped in a stock-market rig inside a money-laundering conspiracy."

Robert and Penny Greenberger were two of those unlucky investors who watched their "investment" in SpongeTech circle down the drain. By the time the company filed for bankruptcy, the Greenbergers had lost $569,220. In 2010, they wrote the capital loss off on their taxes. Which was fine, except for one thing. They can carry that loss forward to absorb future gains. But they can only deduct $3,000 per year against their ordinary income. At that rate, they'll still be writing it off in the 23rd century.

But theft losses are deductible against ordinary income - right now! So, in 2012, the Greenbergers amended their 2010 return to claim a theft loss, and asked the IRS to send them a refund for $177,102. The IRS said no, and everyone sailed off to court. Last month, Judge James Gwin ruled that, to prove theft, the Greenbergers had to show two things: 1) that SpongeTech's "nauty" scammers acted specifically to take their money through fraud, and 2) that the Greenbergers had transferred their property to the thieves. Unfortunately for our losing investors, they had bought their stock on "the open market, without any knowledge of who was on the other side of the transaction." And with that, he sank the Greenbergers' case.

Remember when you were a kid and your mom told you not to buy something just because there was a cartoon character on it? She was right, and she would tell you the same thing about your portfolio. The most important lesson here may be to make the right financial decision first, then find the most tax-efficient way to do it. So call us for help — we're here to help you clean up your messiest financial mistakes!

We tend to think of the Internal Revenue Service mainly as Uncle Sam's "collections department." But it's also a true law enforcement agency. Special agents from the Criminal Investigations unit take on obvious crimes like tax evasion and tax preparer fraud. They also partner with local police, the FBI, the DEA, and even foreign governments to combat public corruption, money laundering, drug trafficking, and international terrorism. The tax cops are good at what they do — the IRS boasts the highest criminal conviction rate of any federal law enforcement agency (93.4% in 2014).

But sometimes the IRS plays a surprising role in more ordinary crimes . . . which brings us to today's story.

On May 17, 2005, 38-year-old Amy Bosley frantically called 911 to report a break-in and shooting at her family's holiday cabin in Alexandria, Kentucky, just across the Ohio River from Cincinnati. Police arrived to find her 41-year-old husband, Bob, dead on the bed with at least seven bullet wounds. The cabin had been ransacked, and the couple's terrified sons, ages six and nine, were huddled in their room.

Local authorities were stumped at first. There were no witnesses and no DNA evidence. The Bosleys were well-liked in their community. They owned a million-dollar roofing business, along with all the grown-up toys their success could buy: sports cars, horses, an airplane, and a 50-foot yacht.

But officials soon learned there were secrets beneath the Bosley's successful facade. Bob had made enemies in his business. And he would disappear for days at a time to his boat on nearby Lake Cumberland, where he entertained women who weren't his wife.

Then came the call that cracked the case wide open. It seems that Amy, who served as the roofing company's accountant, had been as cavalier with the business's taxes as her husband had been with his wedding vows. The company owed a whopping $1.7 million in back taxes. Amy had hidden the investigation from her husband and even impersonated him on the phone.

Not being able to talk to Bob had the IRS smelling a rat. So they demanded an in-person meeting with the couple that was scheduled to take place . . . the morning after the murder! And that morning, the "grieving widow" was even so bold as to call the IRS and say they wouldn't need to meet because Bob was dead. Given the astounding coincidence on top of all the suspicious behavior, the IRS agent called local police and suggested a suspect and motive they might want to look into.

You can probably guess where the story goes from here. Investigators focused their attention on Amy and began to pull apart her story. They found hundreds of checks to the IRS, unmailed, in the back of her car. The coup de grace came from the children, who told interviewers they heard gunshots first, then breaking glass. Ten days later, Amy was in custody. She pled guilty to protect the children from having to testify, and now she's serving a 20-year sentence.

Campbell County Prosecutor Michelle Snodgrass told the court that Amy set out to destroy the business to get even with Bob for the cheating. She even thought killing him would make the tax problems go away. And where did all the money go? Snodgrass says, "I think that there's money buried, and when she makes parole, one of the first stops she makes is to go get that."

When we work with couples, we make sure both spouses are on board with the plan. And while we probably couldn't have saved the Bosleys, we can help eliminate financial conflicts that threaten relationships. So don't wait to reach out to your better half. Call us today for a plan to help bring you closer together!

Ask anyone what makes them happy. (Go ahead, see who's around and ask them.) We're pretty sure they didn't say "paying taxes." Most of us just grumble and pay up. But millions of citizens from all walks of life express their unhappiness by choosing not to pay. The IRS currently has over 12 million accounts in collections, with state and local governments managing millions more. That's a lot of money not getting paid.

Of course, tax collectors are hardly powerless to collect those debts. They can garnish wages to pay back taxes. And they can seize property. Usually, this means financial assets like bank accounts, investments, and retirement accounts. But it also includes physical assets like houses, cars, and boats they can sell to raise cash. The IRS has seized less obvious assets, too, such as the contents of an Alabama scofflaw's hair salon, a pair of Boston parking spaces that sold for $280,000 each, and even $2 million worth of annuity payments that used to be New York Mets slugger Darryl Strawberry's deferred salary.

Now we've learned that a Florida tax collector is taking aim at an even bigger target. Last month, Escambia County Tax Collector Janet Holley filed suit to seize the 200-foot-tall Skyview Ferris wheel, which has thrilled riders since 2013 near Atlanta's Centennial Olympic Park.

The Ferris wheel features 42 climate-controlled gondolas, including a VIP car with leather seats and glass floors. And it's enjoyed a scenic ride of its own. It originally opened in Paris, across from the famed Louvre museum. Then it moved to Bern, Switzerland. Then it crossed the Alps and the Atlantic for a year-long stop in Pensacola, Florida before finally settling in "the ATL."

Here's where taxes step aboard. When the wheel landed in Pensacola, it became subject to Escambia County property tax. The county assessed the wheel's value at $11.4 million, then billed the ride's operator $237,000. That company, Expo 60 Ventures LLC, has since gone out of business and dissolved. However, Florida law lets the tax on tangible property follow the property, in addition to the owner, which makes the wheel itself still subject to seizure. What's worse, interest and penalties have rolled the bill up to $350,000!

The wheel's current operators are quick to defend Atlanta's newest overpriced tourist trap scenic attraction. A spokesman says "This is a vendetta by a public official who's up for re-election in Pensacola, Florida. Pensacola has always been angry that this wonderful icon left their city and came to Atlanta." Having said that, they also paid $50,000 towards the debt. "Our only contention is that they're charging some ridiculous penalties and interest and things like that on the taxes, and we're willing to pay those as soon as the court tells us that that's what we have to pay," he added. (Doesn't exactly sound "willing" when you put it like that!)

Of course, the county doesn't really want to take possession of the Ferris wheel, not any more than the IRS really wanted a couple of parking spots in Boston. They just want their money. (We can just imagine Pensacola's roughest, toughest repo man gulping in disbelief when he gets this assignment!)

Ferris wheels are fun, but in the end you just wind up back where you started. That's fine for a scenic ride, but it's not good enough when it comes to your taxes. What you need is a plan. Whether you're running a business, managing a portfolio, or just raising a family, we can give you that plan — and you can save the thrill rides for the amusement park, not the IRS!